His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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