Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i wish my penis had a tongue
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
