you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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