she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
