he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I had to cum in my sink.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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