fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
