So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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