Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
