I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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