I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
