next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
