My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
