White coat. Heels.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
