Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
