I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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