Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
