He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
