i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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