You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
and she was petting her beer can
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just googled if crying burns calories
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
