There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
