The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
