You smell like a Billy Joel song
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
