just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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