I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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