why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
