Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
