Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
