Already got asked if we're dating
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I currently don't understand fingers.
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