Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
