The maid of honor just puked.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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