he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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