Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
