You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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