I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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