A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
