my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
