I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize