I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
