I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
