you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
