we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
