I think I died a long time ago.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
NoShamevember. You game?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
