I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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