Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
