he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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