does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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