are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
