Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
