I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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