I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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