i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
