he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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