I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
