I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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