True but thats because hes a fetus.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
