I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
