I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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