Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He? As in you personified your dick?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
