didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You know, be my cock's hype man.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
