I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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