hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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