I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
