We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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