I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
