I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
