I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
