Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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