My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
