Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize