i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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