one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
