guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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