how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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