For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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