Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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