dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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