im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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