Having a random hookup so left but love u
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
