i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
