who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
