I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
