Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
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