I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
