i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
