I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
