Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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