New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
