dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
