I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
