38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
