I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Two words: nipple clamps
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