dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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