It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
