When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
