Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
